Conflicting thoughts

Sunday, November 21, 2010, 7:45am local time – Minsk, Belarus

Sunday morning, time to worship and fellowship.  The heavy lifting of teaching is done, and we’re on the down hill side of the trip.  This is always kind of a bittersweet time for me, as I realize that my time here is drawing to a close.  I was reading an email from my sweet wife this morning and had such an odd feeling, a twisting argument deep within.  How can I so enjoy being here and doing this work, so live for the opportunities to walk in this part of my calling, and yet miss my family and want to be home with them?  It’s such a dilemma.  People have often asked me if I could see myself here on a long-term basis, even living here.  I’ve always answered ‘no’ and still feel that way.  God is not calling me to be a full-time missionary.  And the same time, I feel like I could do this, in this short-term model, every month.  Then, there is this fact that I think of my family constantly and long to be home with them.  I can’t imagine being apart from them on a regular basis, and I’m eager to be home soon.  It’s an interesting dilemma that I’m sure people who have served on the mission field or in ministry for much longer than I have wrestle with.  More to come…